If you don’t like where you are move..! You are not a tree!
I can’t believe 2015 is here! Oh where has the time gone? I will turn 59 in May? Really? 59? OMG! 2014 was an incredible year for me.. became a GRANDMOTHER! My little grandson was born on December 20th! That little man has stolen my heart from the moment I laid eyes on him.. I love him sooo much. He has also saved his grandmothers life… on one swoop….one photo… one moment captured in time for ever… his first Photo of Himself with his Grandma….OMG! I cried….how in the HELL did I get this fat??? How can you even see this beautiful little baby boy among the layers of fat that he is laying on called his grandmother? When did I get this fat??? And why didn’t anyone tell me?
Let me back up a bit… if I was told to describe myself …I would say that I am a fun loving… adventure seeking free spirited person.. I love the ocean ..kayaking… swimming… hiking…meeting people..and want to enjoy life to the fullest…reality is…I am a big fat mess… I haven’t been to the ocean in two years… I couldn’t even begin to fit into a kayak let along ride in one… the only hike I have been on in the last 8 years..has been to the mailbox…or climbing the three steps into my house…adventurous? Really what is that? free spirited ? Really Beverly? Maybe back in 2005? And exercise? What is this again? I have a bike.. a gazzell…and one of the large balls to sit on… I have more weights than my local gym…and a WII that hasn’t been used in over two years… What happened..? I think I quit enjoying things I use to do..and fell out of love with myself.. Let me back up again… in 2005 I met the love of my life.. my soul mate..I was in the best shape I had been in for years…having come off a very one sided marriage that was full of lies and deciete..I had FINALLY found the my soul mate.. the man Who was a part of me.. my love. my heart my world…I had never met anyone like him.. ever… a Sgt Major in The Marine Corps ..a mover and a shaker who taught me more about myself than I had ever known.. He made me believe in my own self and the power that I had inside me..He let me be me..and loved me for it..we were equals…partners in love and life..and we were separated my thousands of miles..he in Germany me in North Carolina.. but we made it work..we learned everything about each other.. we talked for HOURS on the phone..we hated every moment we were apart and the best part of our days was when we were together..he made me whole…we shared things about our hopes and dreams and things about our past…that I had never shared with anyone..little things.. big things… he completed me…he was my “other” half.. we were lovers and best friends..we were inseperatable..and I still feel that way today.. but life and family…appreared its ugly head and we were forced to live stated apart, connected by love..and what was in our hearts..but duty called…and for reason I won’t explain..we have to live separate lives..peeking in on each other..and still promising our love..but apart.. is how it must be. some may not understand and that is ok.. but we shall forever be in each others hearts..I now know life changed so much for me..with him not in it…in the way I wanted.. and I didn’t want anyone else..I still don’t…and I have done a really good job of NO one wanting me..depressed and lonely.. I made up my own little world that I wasn’t going to let anyone else in…. I did it well..it’s easy Now to look back and re think my life and how I got here.. sometimes it’s painful…but I need to understand how I got here… to understand how to get back to my old self..my healthier self.. to have lost the greatest love of my life.. at times is painful..but knowing that I at least had it.. helps… so my grandson has let me fall in love again. something I never thought I would ever do again… I want to get healthy to live longer and to be in my grandson’s live as long as I possibly can… this little boy is saving my life.. he has given me hope… love.. and a reason to move on.. he is helping to heal my heart.. something that no one else has been able to do… I shall be forever a grateful grandma…here is 2015 being my best year yet! In my next post I will share how I am going to do this… until then.. have a great new year!