On February 4, 2017 I began this journey to a healthier me..again….I have been trying for several years now, but it just didn’t stick.. I would think about how far I had to go and give up.. Again and again, But this time was different, this time I really thought about why I needed to do this healthy journey and get on this ball with it!
Back in February I had a AHAHAH moment…After all In three months I will turn 61. Yes, I know , I know , I look so much younger than that! LOL! I just don’t know how I got this dang old so fast! But it really got this gal to thinking… how many super obese people do you see at 71? that’s 10 years from now.. well not a heck of a lot of them I thought. IF you do see one they are usually in wheel chairs with oxygen…I didn’t want that.. and then there is retirement to think about. I am looking forward to retirement. I don’t plan on sitting on the front porch in a rocking chair , I can tell you that! I want to travel the world! I want to experience things I’ve never seen! I want to be a tour director and take people to see the world with me.. I want to go on church missions and volunteer on the Mercy ship.. I want to enjoy my grand-babies…wait.. wait… who in the heck are you kidding.. I thought. Tears streaming down my eyes, I came to the realization that I have been living in a fantasy world.. I’ve been looking through rose color glasses…and the lens just broke…and I see things for once for what they are…I’m not going to do those things..I’m too fat.. you have to pass a physical to go on church missions and work on the Mercy Ship..and how could I be a tour director..I can’t even walk around the block! You are the most unfit person I know Beverly! OPEN your eyes.. You can’t even get on the floor with your grandson! You can’t carry him down steps..or across the room! YOU ARE TOO FAT! And if you continue you will not live to see 71. You will be dead in 10 years… You will die in a nursing home, because I am sure my family had to put me there because of my weight..high blood pressure, diabetes…hell I have a hard time wiping my own be behind now! Reality is a harsh, harsh thing/.. But here it was slapping me in the face… so I told myself, what’s it going to be …a retirement filled with fun, excitement and adventure or a retirement full of sickness. loneliness…and desperation? A live shortened by my own doing…or a life of living…I have a whole lot of living still to do… I want Fun, excitement and adventure! But HOW? HOW am I going to accomplish what I have never been able to do in my 61 years? What will I do.. I didn’t want surgery. After all I knew many people who are gaining weight back after huge loses with surgery…( probably because they never dealt with their issues with food!) And Weight watchers , Tops, and Physicians Weight Loss, Jenny Craig, Nurti system I’ve tried them unsuccessfully…some more than once.. why can’t I do this. It’s not that I don’t want to , because I do… what can I do? After much debate..and research.. I answered the questionnaire below
Fifteen Questions : Many of us have found it useful to answer the following questions to help determine if we have a problem with compulsive eating. Are You a Compulsive Eater? Yes No
1. Do I eat when I’m not hungry, or not eat when my body needs nourishment?
2. Do I go on eating binges for no apparent reason, sometimes eating until I’m stuffed or even feel sick?
3. Do I have feelings of guilt, shame, or embarrassment about my weight or the way I eat?
4. Do I eat sensibly in front of others and then make up for it when I am alone?
5. Is my eating affecting my health or the way I live my life?
6. When my emotions are intense—whether positive or negative—do I find myself reaching for food?
7. Do my eating behaviors make me or others unhappy?
8. Have I ever used laxatives, vomiting, diuretics, excessive exercise, diet pills, shots, or other medical interventions (including surgery) to try to control my weight?
9. Do I fast or severely restrict my food intake to control my weight?
10. Do I fantasize about how much better life would be if I were a different size or weight?
11. Do I need to chew or have something in my mouth all the time: food, gum, mints, candies, or beverages?
12. Have I ever eaten food that is burned, frozen, or spoiled; from containers in the grocery store; or out of the garbage?
13. Are there certain foods I can’t stop eating after having the first bite?
14. Have I lost weight with a diet or “period of control” only to be followed by bouts of uncontrolled eating and/or weight gain?
15. Do I spend too much time thinking about food, arguing with myself about whether or what to eat, planning the next diet or exercise cure, or counting calories? Have you answered “yes” to several of these questions? If so, it is possible that you have, or are well on your way to having, a compulsive eating or overeating problem. Your next step is to go to the Overeaters Anonymous website, oa.org, and Find a Meeting.
OA Board Approved. firstname.lastname@example.org http://www.oa.org
OMG! This was an eye opener for me.. Yes I was a compulsive eater! This is me in a nut shell people! Those 15 questions…saved my life..I truly believe that with all my heart and sole! I looked for a phone meeting on the website and that night I dialed my first one.. and the next day I dialed again.. and the next day again.. This is it. I must first learn to deal with my feelings about not only my life, past and present, but I had to deal with my relationship with food. I already knew it wasn’t normal. So I started attending phone meetings..got a sponsor and made me a food plan… and as of that day I became abstinence.. today marks 207 days of abstinence.!
That day back in February, I knew I had to make a change..although I didn’t know how I was going to get on the right track and stay there.. I believed I had to do it..or die. PERIOD.
That was not only the lowest point in my life, but it was also my highest weight EVER! 344 ponds.. almost 350 pounds.. OMG! How in the heck did I do that?
This blog will be about that journey. I believe I can go this. I believe there are others out there like me , who want saved from themselves. who need saved from themselves ..I hope that my journey will inspire someone to a healthier lifestyle, adding years to their lives…if I can do this, I promise you can too! Come along for the ride….adventure awaits!