Indulge in Healthy Living

sharing our healthy lifestyle journey , recipes and tips

Archive for the category “weight loss”

Meal Planning

You have to be hiding under a rock now a days to not have heard about “Meal Planning”! There are whole blog post, websites and Facebook pages dedicated to this.

What is it? It is taking a few hours on one day to prepare meals for the week. And I SWEAR by it for sticking to the Whole30 plan! IT has what has saved me many times over.. I take a few hours on the weekend, plan my meals for the week and then go to the grocery and purchase what I need…come home and make up my meals for the whole week. depending on what it is, as to if I freezer it after properly cooling down first.

If it is fish and I am not eating it the NEXT day. I freeze it. Period. For me , it goes bad quickly and this can be a loss of money if I don’t keep track of it well. OTher things like cooked chicken or hamburger I will keep in the refrigerator.

I found another great website The Nourishing Home’s visit
Healthy Weekly Meal Plan The Nourishing Home’s
more meal planning ideas and recipes, visit

There is a really cute weekly meal plan sheet she gives you for is great and is what  I use to plan my weekly meals.

Why do I like to meal plan? Because some days I work long hours, or have after hours meetings which make me getting home after 8pm and when I walk in the door the last things I want to do to know I have something I can just warm up and still be able to stick to my whole30…is a life saver! Also in the mornings I don’t want to always spend a lot of time on this way I can “grab and Go” with a prepared whole30 dish! As I walk out the door  for work, I grab another prepared meal and side salad and go! IT make me happy to stay on whole30!

Am I so rigid that I never eat anything except what I’ve prepared? No. Some days I like to eat out, so I save my lunch in the frig for another day. And sometimes my son calls and ask me over for dinner, so what I have can wait another day. But on the other hand, it does help me say yes to a whole30 meal with no fuse.

How do I do it…I have 5 colored containers for breakfast, 5 different colors or style for lunch and 5 for dinner. WHY? so I don’t have to search for what I want. I know if I have a divided container it’s dinner,  a single serve container is breakfast. and a bowl is lunch. No brainer really!

This really can make a difference if you work and be the difference of  being successful on w hole30 and failing. do it.. it doesn’t take that  much time, really… and it is so worth it..

Last night I made a quick breakfast hash, and placed them in little containers, this morning I cooked up 3 eggs over easy and added them on top of the hash..bam! 3 minutes tops!

I also made some acorn squash porridge that was the bomb! Even less time to heat up than the eggs!

Earlier in the day I grilled chicken out and packaged it in the seal a meal and put it in the freezer! Now when I want chicken…I just lay it out that morning and heat it up with a side salad and some homemade whole30 ranch dressing…and a veggie or two!

Some people will say that whole30 just takes up too much time, but I am here to tell you , it is soooo worth it and meal prepping helps you!





Whole30 Thanksgiving Recipes

I am on week 3 of Whole30! I end on the day before Thanksgiving. But I feel so great I am going to do another round! So what does one eat for Thanksgiving???? well after much research…here are some great recipes…I found them on whole 9..go visit their web site. it’s a neat website.

Whole30 Thanksgiving “Stuffing”
This dish serves 8-10. We’ve used extra-lean ground beef and soaked walnuts, along with traditional spices and herbs, to give this “stuffing” the same feel and flavor as the original bread-based dish. Note, the extra-lean ground beef is the key – buy the leanest available. This will keep the stuffing from tasting too much like, well… ground beef, as much of the beef flavor is carried in the fat. This is best right out of the oven, and it smells just like the dish Dallas’ Mum makes. We thought it delicious, and the perfect accompaniment to turkey.
• 1 pound extra-lean ground beef (we used the 95% lean, organic, grass-fed beef from Whole Foods)
• 2 cups walnut pieces, very finely chopped/ground and soaked overnight (rinse several times before using)
• 1 medium sweet onion, diced
• 4 stalks of celery, diced
• 1 apple, cored and finely diced (we used a Minnesota Honeycrisp)
• Several springs of fresh rosemary, sage, thyme, and marjoram (poultry mix), finely chopped
• ½ tsp garlic powder
• ½ tsp sea salt
• Preheat the oven to 375 degrees. Chop all the veggies, the apple, and herbs.
• Saute the beef and celery for 3-4 minutes on medium heat, making sure that the beef gets broken up into really small pieces as it cooks. (Big chunks are not very stuffing-like!) We used a big saucepan for this, as we didn’t want the contents to overflow once everything was mixed.
• Add the onion and apple, and cook for another 2-3 minutes.
• Add the herbs, garlic powder, walnuts, and salt, and mix thoroughly. The beef should NOT be totally cooked at this point – there should still be some pink.
• Pull everything out of the pan, and dump it into a 9×13 baking pan (or two 6×9 pans), and bake uncovered at 375 for 30 minutes. Serve hot from the oven.

Whole30 Thanksgiving Cranberry Sauce
Serves 8-10. While we normally don’t recommend using fruit juice or dried fruit as a substitute for sugar, some added sweetness was necessary to offset the serious tartness of the fresh cranberries. We’re okay with figs and apple juice as a sub for sugar in a special occasion dish like this. However, make sure your guests know that our more traditional sauce is still pretty tart in flavor! The flavors do meld with time, and this sauce tastes even better the second day – which means you can make it ahead of time and store it in the fridge. This was so amazingly good, we put it on everything this week – eggs, baked Alaskan cod, even our burgers.
• 2 – 12 oz bags of fresh (not frozen) cranberries
• 1 cup of 100% pure apple juice (no added sugars)
• 1 large navel orange, washed
• 10 dried black mission figs, very finely chopped (make sure you cut the stems off)
• A dash or two of each: nutmeg, allspice, ground cloves
• Place the cranberries, apple juice, figs, spices, and ½ cup of water into a covered saucepan on medium heat.
• Bring the mixture to a low boil for 10 minutes (until the cranberries “pop”), and turn down to low heat. Simmer (still covered) for 15-20 minutes, stirring occasionally.
• Squeeze the juice from the orange into the sauce, and finely grate the orange zest (use the whole orange peel!) into the saucepan.
• Keep on low heat (simmer) for another 15 minutes. Store in airtight container in fridge until ready to use. Serve cold for the best flavor.

Slow Cooker Turkey Breast
• 1 bone-in turkey breast (can do two if you have a large slow cooker- just double the seasoning ingredients)
• 1 tsp. paprika
• 1 tsp. garlic powder
• 1 Tbs. dried parsley
Place turkey breast(s) in crock pot. Sprinkle on the paprika; this will give it a nice, golden color. Then sprinkle on the garlic powder and parsley. Cook on LOW for 8 hours. If you are making two turkey breasts so you have plenty of leftovers, cook on LOW for 9-10 hours. (Note, there is no liquid added to the recipe – although some water will accumulate in the bottom of your cooker.) Place turkey breast(s) on cutting board and immediately cover tightly with foil for 15 minutes. Slice and serve!

Warm Spinach, Prosciutto, & Pistachio Salad
• 16 ounces fresh baby spinach
• 2 garlic cloves, minced
• 3 ounces sliced prosciutto, chopped into little squares (1/2 inch)
• 1/2 cup shelled & salted pistachios
• 1 to 2 tablespoons olive or coconut oil
• 1 lemon
Add the olive oil to a pan on medium-high heat. Once it is warm, thrown in the garlic and saute until it gets a little bit soft. Add the prosciutto, cook until it’s crispy. Turn the pan’s temperature to low. Add the spinach a bit at a time; as it starts to wilt, add another handful, turning and mixing often. You want the spinach lightly wilted, not completely cooked down. Once wilted, take it out of the pan, place in a serving bowl and squirt with lemon.
Roasted Brussels Sprouts, Squash, and Cranberries
• 1 butternut squash
• 1 pound fresh Brussels sprouts
• 1-1/2 cups fresh cranberries
• 2/3 to 1 cup duck fat (melted), or other appropriate fat of your choice
• 1/2 tsp kosher salt
Preheat oven to 450 degrees F. Remove skin, membrane, and seeds (reserve for future use) from squash. Cut squash into cubes. Trim and halve Brussels sprouts. Combine squash, sprouts, and cranberries in a large baking dish (or split into two if you don’t have a really large pan). Sprinkle salt on top and then add duck fat. Stir to combine. Place baking dish in the oven for 25 minutes or until the veggies are beginning to brown, stirring once or twice. Reduce heat to 350 degrees F and cook another 25-30 minutes until the veggies (especially the brussels sprouts) are cooked to desired tenderness. Serve warm and enjoy!

Squash and sweet potato bake
• 1 tsp of cinnamon
• 1/2 tsp nutmeg
• 1/4 c coconut oil (melted)
• 1 large (around 1lb size) sweet potato
• 1 small (around 1-1.5 lb size) acorn, butternut or other favorite squash.
Preheat the oven to 375 F. Coat the bottom of a 10×10 dish with some of the coconut oil. Peel and cube the sweet potato. Peel, halve, clean and cube the squash. Place both in the dish and pour the rest of the coconut oil over the squash. Sprinkle the cinnamon and nutmeg over the top, mix it all up, and cover it with foil. Bake for 35 minutes, stirring occasionally.
Roasted Beets and Pistachio Butter
• 4 large beets – red, golden, or both. (1-2 beets per person)
• 1/2 cup shelled & salted pistachios
• Extra-virgin olive oil
• Salt & pepper
Heat the oven to 375 F and arrange a rack in the middle. Rinse and scrub the beets, cutting off any leaves or little roots. Rub them with 1 to 2 tablespoons of olive oil, place them in a pan and cover with aluminum foil. Roast until tender and you can easily pierce with a knife; this will take about 1 hour. Remove from the oven and let cool.
While they are cooling, make your pistachio butter. Using a food processor, add 1/2 cup pistachios and pulse until they are finely ground. Then drizzle in olive oil – start with 1 tablespoon. Alternate adding 1 tsp water and 1 tsp olive oil until you get a really creamy texture, much like a very soft butter. If it gets too thin for your liking add in some more ground pistachios. (Note, I sometimes double the “butter” recipe, because it goes so quick!)
Once the beets are cool, remove the skins – they should come right off. Slice the beets in chunks, and sprinkle with a little bit of olive oil to make them glossy. Salt and pepper to taste. Serve the beets with the pistachio butter for dipping or spreading. One last note – you could make the beets the day before and let them chill in the fridge. Just take them out and warm them up a bit before serving and dressing.

Coconutty Butternut Squash
Lisa’s Note: We’ve already had thanksgiving here in Canada and I must say I felt like death afterward. I’m excited to see how everyone does with your Whole30 Thanksgiving! Here is a recipe for a dish I had at a client’s house this past weekend. It was delicious – almost felt like a “cheat”!
• 1 Large butternut squash
• 1 Can coconut milk
• 2-3 cups chicken broth (“Imagine” brand from Whole Foods is Whole30 approved – other brands, read your labels!)
• Dash of salt and pepper
• 1 teaspoon cinnamon
Peel and cut the butternut squash into cubes. Add 2 cups of chicken broth, bring to a boil, simmer until fork tender. Drain off 1 cup of the broth and add in coconut milk (about half of a cup; more if needed). Add a dash of salt and pepper and a teaspoon of cinnamon. Blend in a blender or with a hand mixer – the texture should resemble mashed potatoes. Serve warm, with a sprinkle of cinnamon on top.
Root Vegetables with Cinnamon Walnuts
• 3 lbs assorted root vegetables, peeled and diced
• 1 c apple cider (no added sugar)
• 3 tblsp coconut butter, melted
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1/4 tsp freshly ground pepper
• 1/8 tsp ground cinnamon
Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Mix together cider, 2 tblsp coconut butter, salt and pepper in a 9×13-inch baking pan. Add root vegetables, mixing until coated. Cover with foiWhile the vegetables are cooking, place walnuts in a cast iron skillet and cook over low heat, stirring frequently to avoid scorching walnuts. Remove from heat and add coconut butter, cinnamon and, if desired, a pinch of salt. Stir until walnuts are coated. Spread on a plate or cookie sheet to allow walnuts to cool slightly. When vegetables are finished, transfer to serving dish and sprinkle with the cinnamon walnuts.l. Bake 20 minutes, uncover and stir vegetables. Leave uncovered and continue cooking, stirring every 20 minutes until the vegetables are tender – about 1 hour more.
Cauliflower “Wild Rice” and Sausage Stuffing
This recipe comes from Whole30 pro and Paleo chef Erica Cooksey, also known as the blogess behind “Stuff I Make My Husband,” and serves 4-8 people. Erica notes, “Since rice normally clumps together a bit because of the starch, I added a beaten egg – though if you have an egg allergy, I am certain you could leave it out.” For variation, consider adding a diced green apple along with the veggies, or using a different nut instead of the pecans, such as hazelnuts, pistachios, or pine nuts.
• 1 head cauliflower, separated into florets and run through the shredding disk of a food processor for “rice”
• 1/2 lb Italian sausage (or some other form of Whole30 approved sausage)
• 1 onion, diced (about 1 cup)
• 2 celery ribs, chopped (about 1/2 cup)
• 4 oz (weight) crimini mushrooms, chopped
• 3 cloves garlic, minced or pressed
• 2 Tbs minced fresh parsley leaves
• 1 tsp dried thyme
• Dash cayenne
• 1/2 cup toasted pecan chips
• 1 egg, beaten (optional)
• 1 tsp cold coconut oil, ghee, or clarified butter (I used ghee)
• Salt
• Preheat oven to 350 F
• Brown the sausage in a large skillet over medium-high heat, crumbling with a wooden spoon. When no longer pink, remove it from the skillet using a slotted spoon.
• Saute the onion in the sausage grease (there should be about a teaspoon) until just starting to soften, then add the celery and mushrooms. Saute until all the vegetables are soft. Add the garlic and saute for another minute or so. Remove from heat and stir in the parsley, thyme, cayenne, and pecans.
• In a casserole dish, stir the cauliflower with salt to taste, using a pretty generous amount. Using a fork, toss it with the beaten egg, then thoroughly combine with sausage and the veggie mixture. Smooth the top and dot it with tiny pieces of the cold fat.
• Bake at 350 for 30-35 minutes or until lightly golden browned on top. Serve with roast chicken, turkey, or Cornish hens.

Rosemary Mashed Fauxtatoes
This is another delicious recipe from Erica Cooksey, the blogess behind “Stuff I Make My Husband,” and makes about 4 cups. Erica says, “The original recipe used sage, but I had some rosemary in my garden so I went with that. You can substitute other fresh herbs, but don’t use dried for this. I pureed everything in my food processor to get it creamy and smooth; you can use a potato masher if you’d like but it will be lumpy and the cauliflower will be more detectable.”
• 1 medium-sized head of cauliflower, stemmed and cut into uniform florets
• About 1/2 lb turnips, peeled and cut into 1″ chunks
• 1 Tbs fresh minced rosemary or other herb
• 1 Tbs ghee (can substitute olive oil or clarified butter)
• 1 Tbs coconut milk
• 1/2 tsp tabasco or hot pepper sauce
• Freshly ground black pepper
• Generous amount of salt, to taste
• Truffle salt for sprinkling (optional)
• Bring an inch of water to a boil in a saucepan just large enough to hold the turnip chunks in a single layer. Add a generous pinch of salt, add the turnips, then layer the cauliflower on top. Sprinkle with salt, cover, and cook until very tender and just slightly overcooked. Drain in a colander.
• When cool enough to handle, add the veggies to a food processor with the remaining ingredients. Depending on the size of your food processor, you may have to partially process half of them before you can add the rest. Process until completely smooth. Taste and add salt if desired.
• Serve warm, optionally sprinkled with truffle salt.

Slow Cooker Turkey Breast
Note: There are a million turkey recipes out there, but we liked this one because it’s perfect for a smaller gathering, and it won’t tie up your oven for the whole day, which means you aren’t juggling the main course, vegetable side dishes and desserts in and out of one appliance.
• 1 bone-in turkey breast (can do two if you have a large slow cooker- just double the seasoning ingredients)
• 1 tsp. paprika
• 1 tsp. garlic powder
• 1 Tbs. dried parsley
Place turkey breast(s) in crock pot. Sprinkle on the paprika; this will give it a nice, golden color. Then spr



inkle on the garlic powder and parsley. Cook on LOW for 8 hours. If you are making two turkey breasts so you have plenty of leftovers, cook on LOW for 9-10 hours. (Note, there is no liquid added to the recipe – although some water will accumulate in the bottom of your cooker.) Place turkey breast(s) on cutting board and immediately cover tightly with foil for 15 minutes. Slice and serve!

Giblet and Mushroom Gravy
• Turkey bits (neck, gizzard, liver, heart, other random stuff, and fat)
• 2-3 large handfuls of dried porcini, chanterelle, shiitake, maitake mushrooms (or any other variety you choose)
• Salt, to taste
• Pepper, to taste
• 1 bay leaf
• 1 large onion
• 2 cups of chicken or turkey stock/broth
• Reconstitute the mushrooms for a minimum of three hours in ten cups of warm water.
• Remove mushrooms once they’re rehydrated, reserve liquid.
• Rough chop the mushrooms.
• Brown giblets in a medium saucepan.
• Chop the onions, and add them to the giblets, retain on medium heat.
• When the onions are translucent, add the chopped mushrooms.
• When the mix starts to steam, add some salt and pepper and the bay leaf, and stock.
• Bring to a boil, then reduce to a simmer and simmer for 20-30 minutes, then add a cup of the mushroom liquid.
• Pull the bird parts out after another 20-30 minutes of simmering, adding mushroom water to keep everything wet as you go along.
• When you get to the end of the mushroom water, pull all of the solids out, and blend until smooth. Add back, and reduce until desired thickness.

Adventure awaits!

On February 4, 2017 I began this journey to a healthier me..again….I have been trying for several years now, but it just didn’t stick.. I would think about how far I had to go and give up.. Again and again, But this time was different, this time I really thought about why  I needed to do this healthy journey and get on this ball with it!

Back in February I had a AHAHAH moment…After all In three months I will turn 61. Yes, I know , I know , I look so much younger than that! LOL! I just don’t know how I got this dang old so fast! But it really got this gal to thinking… how many super obese people do you see at 71? that’s 10 years from now.. well not a heck of a lot of them I thought. IF you do see one they are usually in wheel chairs with oxygen…I didn’t want that.. and then there is retirement to think about. I am looking forward to retirement. I don’t plan on sitting on the front porch in a rocking chair , I can tell you that!  I want to travel the world! I want to experience things I’ve never seen! I want to be a tour director and take people to see the world with me.. I want to go on church missions and volunteer on the Mercy ship.. I want to enjoy my grand-babies…wait.. wait… who in the heck are you kidding.. I thought. Tears streaming down my eyes, I came to the realization that I have been living in a fantasy world.. I’ve been looking through rose color glasses…and the lens just broke…and I see things for once for what they are…I’m not going to do those things..I’m too fat.. you have to pass a physical to go on church missions and work on the Mercy Ship..and how could I be a tour director..I can’t even walk around the block! You are the most unfit person I know Beverly! OPEN your eyes.. You can’t even get on the floor with your grandson! You can’t carry him down steps..or across the room! YOU ARE TOO FAT! And if you continue you will not live to see 71. You will be dead in 10 years… You will die in a nursing home, because I am sure my family had to put me there because of my weight..high blood pressure, diabetes…hell I have a hard time wiping my own be behind now! Reality is a harsh, harsh thing/.. But here it was slapping me in the face… so I told myself, what’s it going to be …a retirement filled with fun, excitement and adventure or a retirement full of sickness.  loneliness…and desperation? A live shortened by my own doing…or a life of living…I have a whole lot of living still to do… I want Fun, excitement and adventure!  But HOW? HOW am I going to accomplish what I have never been able to do in my 61 years? What will I do.. I didn’t want surgery. After all I knew many people who are gaining weight back after huge loses with surgery…( probably because they never dealt with their issues with food!) And Weight watchers , Tops, and Physicians Weight Loss, Jenny Craig, Nurti system I’ve tried them unsuccessfully…some more than once.. why can’t I do this. It’s not that I don’t want to , because I do… what can I do? After much debate..and research.. I answered  the questionnaire below

Fifteen Questions : Many of us have found it useful to answer the following questions to help determine if we have a problem with compulsive eating. Are You a Compulsive Eater? Yes No
1. Do I eat when I’m not hungry, or not eat when my body needs nourishment?
2. Do I go on eating binges for no apparent reason, sometimes eating until I’m stuffed or even feel sick?
3. Do I have feelings of guilt, shame, or embarrassment about my weight or the way I eat?
4. Do I eat sensibly in front of others and then make up for it when I am alone?
5. Is my eating affecting my health or the way I live my life?
6. When my emotions are intense—whether positive or negative—do I find myself reaching for food?
7. Do my eating behaviors make me or others unhappy?
8. Have I ever used laxatives, vomiting, diuretics, excessive exercise, diet pills, shots, or other medical interventions (including surgery) to try to control my weight?
9. Do I fast or severely restrict my food intake to control my weight?
10. Do I fantasize about how much better life would be if I were a different size or weight?
11. Do I need to chew or have something in my mouth all the time: food, gum, mints, candies, or beverages?
12. Have I ever eaten food that is burned, frozen, or spoiled; from containers in the grocery store; or out of the garbage?
13. Are there certain foods I can’t stop eating after having the first bite?
14. Have I lost weight with a diet or “period of control” only to be followed by bouts of uncontrolled eating and/or weight gain?
15. Do I spend too much time thinking about food, arguing with myself about whether or what to eat, planning the next diet or exercise cure, or counting calories? Have you answered “yes” to several of these questions? If so, it is possible that you have, or are well on your way to having, a compulsive eating or overeating problem. Your next step is to go to the Overeaters Anonymous website,, and Find a Meeting.
OA Board Approved. 

OMG! This was an eye opener for me.. Yes I was a compulsive eater! This is me in a nut shell people! Those 15 questions…saved my life..I truly believe that with all my heart and sole!  I looked for a phone meeting on the website and that night I dialed my first one.. and the next day I dialed again.. and the next day again.. This is it. I must first learn to deal with my feelings about not only my life, past and present, but I had to deal with my relationship with food. I already knew it wasn’t normal. So I started attending phone a sponsor and made me a food plan… and as of that day I became abstinence.. today marks 207 days of abstinence.!

That day back in February, I knew I had to make a change..although I didn’t know how I was going to get on the right track and stay there.. I believed I had to do it..or die. PERIOD.

That was not only the lowest point in my life, but it was also my highest weight EVER! 344 ponds.. almost 350 pounds.. OMG! How in the heck did I do that?

This blog  will be about that journey. I believe I can go this. I believe there are others out there like me , who want saved from themselves. who need saved from themselves ..I hope that my journey will inspire someone to a healthier lifestyle, adding years to their lives…if I can do this, I promise you can too! Come along for the ride….adventure awaits!

Garlic Brown Sugar chicken tenders


These were fantastic! And were very easy to make in little time!
First add splenda brown sugar to a bowl..add 2 tab low sodium soy sauce…and 3 tab minced garlic…mix in a little bit of water to make it pourable…brown4line baking dish with parchment paper..( it will save on clean up)brown3 marinade chicken tenders in sauce for two hours or longer…brown2place in lined baking dish…top with a 1/3 of a slice of bacon…brown1 and pour marinade over top…bake at 375 degrees for 40 minutes…

If you don’t like where you are move..! You are not a tree!

I can’t believe 2015 is here! Oh where has the time gone? I will turn 59 in May? Really? 59? OMG! 2014 was an incredible year for me.. became a GRANDMOTHER! My little grandson was born on December 20th! That little man has stolen my heart from the moment I laid eyes on him.. I love him sooo much. He has also saved his grandmothers life… on one swoop….one photo… one moment captured in time for ever… his first Photo of Himself with his Grandma….OMG! I cried….how in the HELL did I get this fat??? How can you even see this beautiful little baby boy among the layers of fat that he is laying on called his grandmother? When did I get this fat??? And why didn’t anyone tell me?
Let me back up a bit… if I was told to describe myself …I would say that I am a fun loving… adventure seeking free spirited person.. I love the ocean ..kayaking… swimming… hiking…meeting people..and want to enjoy life to the fullest…reality is…I am a big fat mess… I haven’t been to the ocean in two years… I couldn’t even begin to fit into a kayak let along ride in one… the only hike I have been on in the last 8 years..has been to the mailbox…or climbing the three steps into my house…adventurous? Really what is that? free spirited ? Really Beverly? Maybe back in 2005? And exercise? What is this again? I have a bike.. a gazzell…and one of the large balls to sit on… I have more weights than my local gym…and a WII that hasn’t been used in over two years… What happened..? I think I quit enjoying things I use to do..and fell out of love with myself.. Let me back up again… in 2005 I met the love of my life.. my soul mate..I was in the best shape I had been in for years…having come off a very one sided marriage that was full of lies and deciete..I had FINALLY found the my soul mate.. the man Who was a part of me.. my love. my heart my world…I had never met anyone like him.. ever… a Sgt Major in The Marine Corps ..a mover and a shaker who taught me more about myself than I had ever known.. He made me believe in my own self and the power that I had inside me..He let me be me..and loved me for it..we were equals…partners in love and life..and we were separated my thousands of miles..he in Germany me in North Carolina.. but we made it work..we learned everything about each other.. we talked for HOURS on the phone..we hated every moment we were apart and the best part of our days was when we were together..he made me whole…we shared things about our hopes and dreams and things about our past…that I had never shared with anyone..little things.. big things… he completed me…he was my “other” half.. we were lovers and best friends..we were inseperatable..and I still feel that way today.. but life and family…appreared its ugly head and we were forced to live stated apart, connected by love..and what was in our hearts..but duty called…and for reason I won’t explain..we have to live separate lives..peeking in on each other..and still promising our love..but apart.. is how it must be. some may not understand and that is ok.. but we shall forever be in each others hearts..I now know life changed so much for me..with him not in it…in the way I wanted.. and I didn’t want anyone else..I still don’t…and I have done a really good job of NO one wanting me..depressed and lonely.. I made up my own little world that I wasn’t going to let anyone else in…. I did it’s easy Now to look back and re think my life and how I got here.. sometimes it’s painful…but I need to understand how I got here… to understand how to get back to my old healthier self.. to have lost the greatest love of my life.. at times is painful..but knowing that I at least had it.. helps… so my grandson has let me fall in love again. something I never thought I would ever do again… I want to get healthy to live longer and to be in my grandson’s live as long as I possibly can… this little boy is saving my life.. he has given me hope… love.. and a reason to move on.. he is helping to heal my heart.. something that no one else has been able to do… I shall be forever a grateful grandma…here is 2015 being my best year yet! In my next post I will share how I am going to do this… until then.. have a great new year!soulmate

Why is this so hard?

scaleshelpWhy is losing weight and getting healthy so hard for me? I just don’t get it.. why is food so important to me.. why do I love to eat? Why do I think of food all the time??????

I have spent the last year on a weight loss journey.. I haven’t loss fact The scales are tipping forward alot lately…and I AM TRYING TO LOSE! I have been sick for over 6 weeks with Upper resportorary infection and Broncotis…cough..cough..cough.. I have just finished my second round of steriods and antibiotics…UGH! And as we all know..steriods can make you gain weight.. great..just what I need…

And it has stayed true to its hype… weight gain..which is really freaking me out..cuz I am hardly eating!!! Doc saus its ok..its the steriods..NO it isn’t .. I still have to get it back off!!!! fOR SOME REASON IT HAS REALLY BOTHERED ME TO PUT THIS MEDICINE WEIGHT ON! I hate it!

So today..I have had ..a epiphany….about life and me…and my weight..I have come to the realization that I need to get my shit together…on this subject matter of weight loss..and just do it!

At almost 60 years old..I am headed on a slippy slide..that is headed one way ..and that is DOWN…as down in the ground 6 feet under! yes…I am basicly as healthy as someone can be for my weight..yes I am obese..and I don’t have diabetisc..high blood pressure…heart diease..high far I am lucky…but I have bad knees..yes one knee replacement..and another not to far in my future..knees.. they can’t seem to go there stuff these days.. and one bad knee was bad I have two..I limp..and my hip hearts from the adjustment for my bad knee… also I do less and less..cause Of my bad knee.. I have been laid off from work 2 1/3 years..with no job prospective in site.. I can’t do just anyjob.. like when I was younger..cuz I can’t stand for long periods of time.. I need a desk job.. but I find that people look at my age 57.. and weight.. I even hate to go look for a job..

today I can to the realization that I am harvesting a huge circle that is becomming neverending…i can’t get a job.. I have no money.. I have no insurance..I do nothing..but sit around the house.. cause I have no money to do anything…which means I eat.. sleep and means I am getting fatter and fatter.. and still have NO job.. NO MONEY..and NO life..but I am getting fatter…

I have to put a stop to this right now.. this is not the life I want for me.. I don’t want to live life on the sidelines.. I want to live it to the fullest.. I want to be able to live to see my grandchildren.. I want to play with my grandchildren..I want to live..period

at this rate.. I will die way before my time..I have to stop the madness now.. the addiction..just like alcohol or drugs.. food has become my addiction of choice.. it’s right here in front of me for the taking.. watch me.. as i enjoy killing myself righ before my loved ones eyes..each bite I take is a nail in my oversized coffin..each meal.. each snack.. each bite is one day closer to dying..I do not want to die at my own hands.. yet this is what I do.. this is what I am doing to myself.I am tired of taking one step forward and three steps back..I am tired of thinking ..when my next meal is coming..I am tired of not being the person I am fooling myself to think that I am..I am n othing short of a Drunk..a Druggie.. a fool..a fool to think I have this under control.. I don’t have it under control…it STOPS now.. I am not sure how I am going to achive this. .I am not sure what I am to do next..but I will make a appointment for my Doctor and talk with him.. about steps to take..I am ready to make a change.. I am ready to do this..
Many things swirl through my mind.. I need to come to grips with changes in my life.. right now today..
change #1…exercise..
I know it will be difficult with the bad knees.. but I have to do it.. right now I stopped and moved my gazzell into the living room.. I took the time to walk one mile.. it wasn’t easy…damn knee… but that is one mile further than I went yesterday.. and I have a goal..of two miles a day..increasing as I am able.. two miles is better than what I walked yesterday… right?
Change #2 Food log.. I need to see when I eat..what I eat..and my feeling when I am I eat cuz ..I am boared.. feeling blue.hungry.. or just to eat??? What am I eating .. what should I be I need a stike diet.. of the same thing everyday.. or do I want calorie counting.. point counting? I have to learn to eat to live.. not live to eat
I think I will talk to a nutritionist.. if I can find one..on the cheap.. maybe she can give me some insite…that I don’t seem to have..yes, I think that would be good.

learning to live with my addiction is not going to be easy. .but something I must do.. I think knowing I have a problem is the first step in the right direction, right?

I want this more than anything.. I want to grow old.. I want to be healthy for myself and my family… I need this.. to live..I can do this…with some help..meetings maybe? I will be writting intesively about my addiction to food journey…please come share your support..

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