Indulge in Healthy Living

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Archive for the category “weight loss”

Adventure awaits!

On February 4, 2017 I began this journey to a healthier me..again….I have been trying for several years now, but it just didn’t stick.. I would think about how far I had to go and give up.. Again and again, But this time was different, this time I really thought about why  I needed to do this healthy journey and get on this ball with it!

Back in February I had a AHAHAH moment…After all In three months I will turn 61. Yes, I know , I know , I look so much younger than that! LOL! I just don’t know how I got this dang old so fast! But it really got this gal to thinking… how many super obese people do you see at 71? that’s 10 years from now.. well not a heck of a lot of them I thought. IF you do see one they are usually in wheel chairs with oxygen…I didn’t want that.. and then there is retirement to think about. I am looking forward to retirement. I don’t plan on sitting on the front porch in a rocking chair , I can tell you that!  I want to travel the world! I want to experience things I’ve never seen! I want to be a tour director and take people to see the world with me.. I want to go on church missions and volunteer on the Mercy ship.. I want to enjoy my grand-babies…wait.. wait… who in the heck are you kidding.. I thought. Tears streaming down my eyes, I came to the realization that I have been living in a fantasy world.. I’ve been looking through rose color glasses…and the lens just broke…and I see things for once for what they are…I’m not going to do those things..I’m too fat.. you have to pass a physical to go on church missions and work on the Mercy Ship..and how could I be a tour director..I can’t even walk around the block! You are the most unfit person I know Beverly! OPEN your eyes.. You can’t even get on the floor with your grandson! You can’t carry him down steps..or across the room! YOU ARE TOO FAT! And if you continue you will not live to see 71. You will be dead in 10 years… You will die in a nursing home, because I am sure my family had to put me there because of my weight..high blood pressure, diabetes…hell I have a hard time wiping my own be behind now! Reality is a harsh, harsh thing/.. But here it was slapping me in the face… so I told myself, what’s it going to be …a retirement filled with fun, excitement and adventure or a retirement full of sickness.  loneliness…and desperation? A live shortened by my own doing…or a life of living…I have a whole lot of living still to do… I want Fun, excitement and adventure!  But HOW? HOW am I going to accomplish what I have never been able to do in my 61 years? What will I do.. I didn’t want surgery. After all I knew many people who are gaining weight back after huge loses with surgery…( probably because they never dealt with their issues with food!) And Weight watchers , Tops, and Physicians Weight Loss, Jenny Craig, Nurti system I’ve tried them unsuccessfully…some more than once.. why can’t I do this. It’s not that I don’t want to , because I do… what can I do? After much debate..and research.. I answered  the questionnaire below

Fifteen Questions : Many of us have found it useful to answer the following questions to help determine if we have a problem with compulsive eating. Are You a Compulsive Eater? Yes No
1. Do I eat when I’m not hungry, or not eat when my body needs nourishment?
2. Do I go on eating binges for no apparent reason, sometimes eating until I’m stuffed or even feel sick?
3. Do I have feelings of guilt, shame, or embarrassment about my weight or the way I eat?
4. Do I eat sensibly in front of others and then make up for it when I am alone?
5. Is my eating affecting my health or the way I live my life?
6. When my emotions are intense—whether positive or negative—do I find myself reaching for food?
7. Do my eating behaviors make me or others unhappy?
8. Have I ever used laxatives, vomiting, diuretics, excessive exercise, diet pills, shots, or other medical interventions (including surgery) to try to control my weight?
9. Do I fast or severely restrict my food intake to control my weight?
10. Do I fantasize about how much better life would be if I were a different size or weight?
11. Do I need to chew or have something in my mouth all the time: food, gum, mints, candies, or beverages?
12. Have I ever eaten food that is burned, frozen, or spoiled; from containers in the grocery store; or out of the garbage?
13. Are there certain foods I can’t stop eating after having the first bite?
14. Have I lost weight with a diet or “period of control” only to be followed by bouts of uncontrolled eating and/or weight gain?
15. Do I spend too much time thinking about food, arguing with myself about whether or what to eat, planning the next diet or exercise cure, or counting calories? Have you answered “yes” to several of these questions? If so, it is possible that you have, or are well on your way to having, a compulsive eating or overeating problem. Your next step is to go to the Overeaters Anonymous website, oa.org, and Find a Meeting.
OA Board Approved. info@oa.org  http://www.oa.org

OMG! This was an eye opener for me.. Yes I was a compulsive eater! This is me in a nut shell people! Those 15 questions…saved my life..I truly believe that with all my heart and sole!  I looked for a phone meeting on the website and that night I dialed my first one.. and the next day I dialed again.. and the next day again.. This is it. I must first learn to deal with my feelings about not only my life, past and present, but I had to deal with my relationship with food. I already knew it wasn’t normal. So I started attending phone meetings..got a sponsor and made me a food plan… and as of that day I became abstinence.. today marks 207 days of abstinence.!

That day back in February, I knew I had to make a change..although I didn’t know how I was going to get on the right track and stay there.. I believed I had to do it..or die. PERIOD.

That was not only the lowest point in my life, but it was also my highest weight EVER! 344 ponds.. almost 350 pounds.. OMG! How in the heck did I do that?

This blog  will be about that journey. I believe I can go this. I believe there are others out there like me , who want saved from themselves. who need saved from themselves ..I hope that my journey will inspire someone to a healthier lifestyle, adding years to their lives…if I can do this, I promise you can too! Come along for the ride….adventure awaits!

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Garlic Brown Sugar chicken tenders

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These were fantastic! And were very easy to make in little time!
First add splenda brown sugar to a bowl..add 2 tab low sodium soy sauce…and 3 tab minced garlic…mix in a little bit of water to make it pourable…brown4line baking dish with parchment paper..( it will save on clean up)brown3 marinade chicken tenders in sauce for two hours or longer…brown2place in lined baking dish…top with a 1/3 of a slice of bacon…brown1 and pour marinade over top…bake at 375 degrees for 40 minutes…

If you don’t like where you are move..! You are not a tree!

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I can’t believe 2015 is here! Oh where has the time gone? I will turn 59 in May? Really? 59? OMG! 2014 was an incredible year for me.. became a GRANDMOTHER! My little grandson was born on December 20th! That little man has stolen my heart from the moment I laid eyes on him.. I love him sooo much. He has also saved his grandmothers life… on one swoop….one photo… one moment captured in time for ever… his first Photo of Himself with his Grandma….OMG! I cried….how in the HELL did I get this fat??? How can you even see this beautiful little baby boy among the layers of fat that he is laying on called his grandmother? When did I get this fat??? And why didn’t anyone tell me?
Let me back up a bit… if I was told to describe myself …I would say that I am a fun loving… adventure seeking free spirited person.. I love the ocean ..kayaking… swimming… hiking…meeting people..and want to enjoy life to the fullest…reality is…I am a big fat mess… I haven’t been to the ocean in two years… I couldn’t even begin to fit into a kayak let along ride in one… the only hike I have been on in the last 8 years..has been to the mailbox…or climbing the three steps into my house…adventurous? Really what is that? free spirited ? Really Beverly? Maybe back in 2005? And exercise? What is this again? I have a bike.. a gazzell…and one of the large balls to sit on… I have more weights than my local gym…and a WII that hasn’t been used in over two years… What happened..? I think I quit enjoying things I use to do..and fell out of love with myself.. Let me back up again… in 2005 I met the love of my life.. my soul mate..I was in the best shape I had been in for years…having come off a very one sided marriage that was full of lies and deciete..I had FINALLY found the my soul mate.. the man Who was a part of me.. my love. my heart my world…I had never met anyone like him.. ever… a Sgt Major in The Marine Corps ..a mover and a shaker who taught me more about myself than I had ever known.. He made me believe in my own self and the power that I had inside me..He let me be me..and loved me for it..we were equals…partners in love and life..and we were separated my thousands of miles..he in Germany me in North Carolina.. but we made it work..we learned everything about each other.. we talked for HOURS on the phone..we hated every moment we were apart and the best part of our days was when we were together..he made me whole…we shared things about our hopes and dreams and things about our past…that I had never shared with anyone..little things.. big things… he completed me…he was my “other” half.. we were lovers and best friends..we were inseperatable..and I still feel that way today.. but life and family…appreared its ugly head and we were forced to live stated apart, connected by love..and what was in our hearts..but duty called…and for reason I won’t explain..we have to live separate lives..peeking in on each other..and still promising our love..but apart.. is how it must be. some may not understand and that is ok.. but we shall forever be in each others hearts..I now know life changed so much for me..with him not in it…in the way I wanted.. and I didn’t want anyone else..I still don’t…and I have done a really good job of NO one wanting me..depressed and lonely.. I made up my own little world that I wasn’t going to let anyone else in…. I did it well..it’s easy Now to look back and re think my life and how I got here.. sometimes it’s painful…but I need to understand how I got here… to understand how to get back to my old self..my healthier self.. to have lost the greatest love of my life.. at times is painful..but knowing that I at least had it.. helps… so my grandson has let me fall in love again. something I never thought I would ever do again… I want to get healthy to live longer and to be in my grandson’s live as long as I possibly can… this little boy is saving my life.. he has given me hope… love.. and a reason to move on.. he is helping to heal my heart.. something that no one else has been able to do… I shall be forever a grateful grandma…here is 2015 being my best year yet! In my next post I will share how I am going to do this… until then.. have a great new year!soulmate

Why is this so hard?

scaleshelpWhy is losing weight and getting healthy so hard for me? I just don’t get it.. why is food so important to me.. why do I love to eat? Why do I think of food all the time??????

I have spent the last year on a weight loss journey.. I haven’t loss much..in fact The scales are tipping forward alot lately…and I AM TRYING TO LOSE! I have been sick for over 6 weeks with Upper resportorary infection and Broncotis…cough..cough..cough.. I have just finished my second round of steriods and antibiotics…UGH! And as we all know..steriods can make you gain weight.. great..just what I need…

And it has stayed true to its hype… weight gain..which is really freaking me out..cuz I am hardly eating!!! Doc saus its ok..its the steriods..NO it isn’t .. I still have to get it back off!!!! fOR SOME REASON IT HAS REALLY BOTHERED ME TO PUT THIS MEDICINE WEIGHT ON! I hate it!

So today..I have had ..a epiphany….about life and me…and my weight..I have come to the realization that I need to get my shit together…on this subject matter of weight loss..and just do it!

At almost 60 years old..I am headed on a slippy slide..that is headed one way ..and that is DOWN…as down in the ground 6 feet under! yes…I am basicly as healthy as someone can be for my weight..yes I am obese..and I don’t have diabetisc..high blood pressure…heart diease..high chloseterrall..so far I am lucky…but I have bad knees..yes one knee replacement..and another not to far in my future..knees.. they can’t seem to go there stuff these days.. and one bad knee was bad enough..now I have two..I limp..and my hip hearts from the adjustment for my bad knee… also I do less and less..cause Of my bad knee.. I have been laid off from work 2 1/3 years..with no job prospective in site.. I can’t do just anyjob.. like when I was younger..cuz I can’t stand for long periods of time.. I need a desk job.. but I find that people look at my age 57.. and weight.. obese..so I even hate to go look for a job..

today I can to the realization that I am harvesting a huge circle that is becomming neverending…i can’t get a job.. I have no money.. I have no insurance..I do nothing..but sit around the house.. cause I have no money to do anything…which means I eat.. sleep and eat..sleep..eat..sleep..which means I am getting fatter and fatter.. and still have NO job.. NO MONEY..and NO life..but I am getting fatter…

I have to put a stop to this right now.. this is not the life I want for me.. I don’t want to live life on the sidelines.. I want to live it to the fullest.. I want to be able to live to see my grandchildren.. I want to play with my grandchildren..I want to live..period

at this rate.. I will die way before my time..I have to stop the madness now.. the addiction..just like alcohol or drugs.. food has become my addiction of choice.. it’s right here in front of me for the taking.. watch me.. as i enjoy killing myself righ before my loved ones eyes..each bite I take is a nail in my oversized coffin..each meal.. each snack.. each bite is one day closer to dying..I do not want to die at my own hands.. yet this is what I do.. this is what I am doing to myself.I am tired of taking one step forward and three steps back..I am tired of thinking ..when my next meal is coming..I am tired of not being the person I am fooling myself to think that I am..I am n othing short of a Drunk..a Druggie.. a fool..a fool to think I have this under control.. I don’t have it under control…it STOPS now.. I am not sure how I am going to achive this. .I am not sure what I am to do next..but I will make a appointment for my Doctor and talk with him.. about steps to take..I am ready to make a change.. I am ready to do this..
Many things swirl through my mind.. I need to come to grips with changes in my life.. right now today..
change #1…exercise..
I know it will be difficult with the bad knees.. but I have to do it.. right now I stopped and moved my gazzell into the living room.. I took the time to walk one mile.. it wasn’t easy…damn knee… but that is one mile further than I went yesterday.. and I have a goal..of two miles a day..increasing as I am able.. two miles is better than what I walked yesterday… right?
Change #2 Food log.. I need to see when I eat..what I eat..and my feeling when I am eating..do I eat cuz ..I am boared.. feeling blue.hungry.. or just to eat??? What am I eating .. what should I be eating..do I need a stike diet.. of the same thing everyday.. or do I want calorie counting.. point counting? I have to learn to eat to live.. not live to eat
I think I will talk to a nutritionist.. if I can find one..on the cheap.. maybe she can give me some insite…that I don’t seem to have..yes, I think that would be good.

learning to live with my addiction is not going to be easy. .but something I must do.. I think knowing I have a problem is the first step in the right direction, right?

I want this more than anything.. I want to grow old.. I want to be healthy for myself and my family… I need this.. to live..I can do this…with some help..meetings maybe? I will be writting intesively about my addiction to food journey…please come share your support..
cheers!
Beverly

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