ourhealthylifestylejourney

sharing our lifestyle journey tips with others

Archive for the tag “weightloss”

If you don’t like where you are move..! You are not a tree!

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I can’t believe 2015 is here! Oh where has the time gone? I will turn 59 in May? Really? 59? OMG! 2014 was an incredible year for me.. became a GRANDMOTHER! My little grandson was born on December 20th! That little man has stolen my heart from the moment I laid eyes on him.. I love him sooo much. He has also saved his grandmothers life… on one swoop….one photo… one moment captured in time for ever… his first Photo of Himself with his Grandma….OMG! I cried….how in the HELL did I get this fat??? How can you even see this beautiful little baby boy among the layers of fat that he is laying on called his grandmother? When did I get this fat??? And why didn’t anyone tell me?
Let me back up a bit… if I was told to describe myself …I would say that I am a fun loving… adventure seeking free spirited person.. I love the ocean ..kayaking… swimming… hiking…meeting people..and want to enjoy life to the fullest…reality is…I am a big fat mess… I haven’t been to the ocean in two years… I couldn’t even begin to fit into a kayak let along ride in one… the only hike I have been on in the last 8 years..has been to the mailbox…or climbing the three steps into my house…adventurous? Really what is that? free spirited ? Really Beverly? Maybe back in 2005? And exercise? What is this again? I have a bike.. a gazzell…and one of the large balls to sit on… I have more weights than my local gym…and a WII that hasn’t been used in over two years… What happened..? I think I quit enjoying things I use to do..and fell out of love with myself.. Let me back up again… in 2005 I met the love of my life.. my soul mate..I was in the best shape I had been in for years…having come off a very one sided marriage that was full of lies and deciete..I had FINALLY found the my soul mate.. the man Who was a part of me.. my love. my heart my world…I had never met anyone like him.. ever… a Sgt Major in The Marine Corps ..a mover and a shaker who taught me more about myself than I had ever known.. He made me believe in my own self and the power that I had inside me..He let me be me..and loved me for it..we were equals…partners in love and life..and we were separated my thousands of miles..he in Germany me in North Carolina.. but we made it work..we learned everything about each other.. we talked for HOURS on the phone..we hated every moment we were apart and the best part of our days was when we were together..he made me whole…we shared things about our hopes and dreams and things about our past…that I had never shared with anyone..little things.. big things… he completed me…he was my “other” half.. we were lovers and best friends..we were inseperatable..and I still feel that way today.. but life and family…appreared its ugly head and we were forced to live stated apart, connected by love..and what was in our hearts..but duty called…and for reason I won’t explain..we have to live separate lives..peeking in on each other..and still promising our love..but apart.. is how it must be. some may not understand and that is ok.. but we shall forever be in each others hearts..I now know life changed so much for me..with him not in it…in the way I wanted.. and I didn’t want anyone else..I still don’t…and I have done a really good job of NO one wanting me..depressed and lonely.. I made up my own little world that I wasn’t going to let anyone else in…. I did it well..it’s easy Now to look back and re think my life and how I got here.. sometimes it’s painful…but I need to understand how I got here… to understand how to get back to my old self..my healthier self.. to have lost the greatest love of my life.. at times is painful..but knowing that I at least had it.. helps… so my grandson has let me fall in love again. something I never thought I would ever do again… I want to get healthy to live longer and to be in my grandson’s live as long as I possibly can… this little boy is saving my life.. he has given me hope… love.. and a reason to move on.. he is helping to heal my heart.. something that no one else has been able to do… I shall be forever a grateful grandma…here is 2015 being my best year yet! In my next post I will share how I am going to do this… until then.. have a great new year!soulmate

Educate yourself to a healthier you!

healthy breakfast
VS
sasuage egg and cheese

As I am traveling on my healthy journey I am trying to educate myself on the why’s and how’s of nutrition..recently I have started to track different area’s of nutrition…not only calories..but carbs,fat,Protein, Sodium and sugar’s…
In doing this I have started to made some comparison’s to what my life was like before in the matters of what I ate daily…I am trying to not only get healthy , but to understand the how and why’s so I do not do it all over again. I think the more I can understand about food and what it does to our bodies..the more we are able to make educated decisions that will benefit our bodies.
Today is my first of what I am sure to be..many comparison’s… I must say I am shocked at the results…it’s no wonder I am fat…in my mind …I was thinking..that One sasuage egg and cheese biscuit..would be better for me than say…donuts from Dunkin doughnuts.. or some type of pastry…but in reality it was worse!

Here is my first Comparison’s….

Item Calories Carbs Fat Protein Sodium Sugar
Hardee’s Sausage, Egg & Cheese 630 37 45 18 1520 4
Glazed Donut 260 31 14 3 330 12
______________________________________________________________________________________
Healthy Meal
2 eggs 120 1 9 12 124 0
2 ww toast 140 13 1 3 125 2
peach fresh 33 8 0 1 0 8
______________________________________________________________________________________
TOTAL 293 22 10 16 249 10

I was shocked that I was eating 630 calories for breakfast! 31 carbs and 1520 of sodium! And this was every week Monday through Friday on my way to work! OMG! And if someone brought donuts..I would eat one or two of those! UGH!

I no longer go through the drive through window at fast food joints..nor do I eat in my car.. I plan my meals..down to the last morsel…some might think this is too rigid for them.. but let me ask you this.. How are you doing with eating on the run? Would you be reading this if it was working for you?? Maybe being rigid is a good thing…and it could help.. I know one day it will all be second nature for me to eat healthy.. but right now I need a plan..and figuring out the nutritional value of what is being put into my body…is my priority these days! I urge you to do the same.. educate yourself..knowledge can be a wonderful tool for you to win your battle with food..we can’t eliminate food completly..so I need to learn to live with it..the best way I can..so that I can have a healthy body..yes, I am just beginning to learn about nutrition…but each day I make my numbers in my food diary on MY FITNESS PAL..IT MAKES ME FEEL GOOD!
Give this a try…and get MYFITNESS PAL and start tracking your numbers…it will benefit you…and you will be on the right path to a healthier you! I wish you the best…

Choosing a food plan just for you!

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I know I am probably get a lot of flack for my choice of food plan to follow..but your not me..no food plan is for each of us..if it was we would all be skinny! We have to figure out the road we want to take..count calories,low fat, low carb, paleo,weight watchers, tops, clean eating..no matter which one you choose..it has to be personalized for you..I’ve choosen low carb..because I can eat…there I said it.. I can eat real food..and not feel deprived. I love eggs..( ask me that in two months) I love meat.. oh I will miss bread and pasta..and sweets..but I wanted to cut out sugar..and white flour..I have experimented with cutting back on flour and do notice a big change in how I feel. Also I have done Atkins before.. I lose a considerable amount of weight. But had a false sense of security that I would never gain it back..and didn’t work on a Lifetime Maintenance plan. Big mistake on my part. And I have since understood the importance of maintenance in weight loss. No matter what plan you choose..you must always figure out and follow a maintenance plan of some kind. If not.. you will be where I am and doing it all over again!
I am all for convenience in the beginning weeks of following my food plan. .on days I work I just want to grab something quickly. And still stay on my program.. Atkins allows that! And tons of choices for me to choose from.
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Atkins dinners are a big help for me.. And they taste great! I haven’t met one I didn’t like.. Right now they are a little costly..but I think they are worth it! Tonight I had the Atkins Italian-Style Pasta Bake.. YUMMY! I enjoyed every bite! I hope Atkins will continue to add to this line of products..my only word of caution is that you must limit the number of these you have a day. or It can slow down your weight loss. Atkins has a line of Protein bars.. Protein Drinks and even candies..
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mmchchip</a They can help you through any sweet attack..and the protein drinks are to die for! Serve over a big glass of ice..and yummo!…The protein bars fit in my purse for food attacks and late meetings..stopping my hunger! And the best thing is that I stay on track! No trips to the vending machine or coffee shop! just remember to use in moderation!

I will be featuring my review’s on each new Atkins product that I try… nope I’m not a ATKINS paid spokesperson..but maybe one day I could be! Right now I will leave that to…….Sharon!
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sharron

Willpower, how to get it!

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Willpower.. why do some of us have it and some of us don’t??? I need it.. I want it…! I don’t have it! I like this quote…
think of Willpower as a muscle
You don’t find Willpower
You build it!

What a concept…I never thought of it this way.. I thought you either had it or didn’t.. and I always seemed to never have it for very long.. oh sure I start out with it.. and them BAM ! As fast as I had it .. I lost it..
Now I realize that I have to build it .. over time.. I am not perfect.. I doubt if any of us are.. or we wouldn’t be where we are right now..over weight..but with this new idea…that we need to BUILD on our Will power ..is a life saver.. I feel like someone just through me a life preserve on this one… I always like that determination when I first start out on losing weight. .and often think.. I don’t want to lose this feeling..but I do..we all do..so maybe with my new mind set..I can learn to take it step by step..muscle by muscle.. hey it isn’t going to happen over night ..I have to work at it..
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I believe that Will power is the KEY to success.. so this is something I am going to really try to work on and develop..I know that it will help me to reach my goal..so this is important.

Right now I could use some of that Willpower! I know the first week or so..is hard.. but right now ..I could eat the couch!! I need to find something to much on..that is low carb.. maybe I should drink a Protein drink..Lord help me.. Right now all I can think of is the rest of the container of ice cream in the freezer. .I really should of thrown that away..maybe I should go get it and run hot water on it in the sink.. No I can’t trust myself…I’d eat it right out of the carton right now..who am I kidding…think I will stay out of the kitchen..period.. Tomorrow I will get rid of it! But not now..

Isn’t it funny.. I want his .. so badly..but my voice in my head is telling me that I should eat something. .Right now.. the slogan…NOTHING TASTE AS GOOD AS SKINNY FEELS…SUCKS! WHo ever came up with that..never had Blue Bell ice Cream! LOL!
I will control my thoughts and not let my thoughts control me..period….caffeine…I need Caffeine..good Heavens! This is torture! Ok..control yourself Beverly.. this to shall pass…
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Yes! Shut up stomach.. I am not going to listen to you anymore.. look where you have gotten me so far! I do not need to eat.. I do not need to eat…I will not eat! I will not eat! Water I will drink water…then .. I am going to bed!
Cheers!
Beverly

Gone Gone Gone

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I have been gone for over 5 months…I am ashamed to say… and in that time.. I have been on again off again on my journey.. leading me right back to the beginning…UGH!
But I am not going to bang myself in the head about it.. I am just going to move on in the right direction. Thank you to all those who asked my whereabouts.. As I reflect back .. I realize I have been off the wagon way to long.. and for the life of me I can’t understand why..since it seems all I ever do it..diet..and think about losing weight..

So this is a important stepping stone for me.. I am taking a leap of faith here.. and looking up a number to a specialist in weight loss …I don’t want a quick fix.. ok maybe I do want a quick fix..how ever I know they are not out there..I don’t want a fad diet.. I don’t want to have surgery.. I just want to fix me.. make me healthy..is that too much to ask for?

SO today had been a day of reckoning.. for me.. to think how the last five months have passed and I am still in the same spot.. some might say..hey at least you didn’t gain..well that’s probably not a true statement.. because like I said I have been dieting the five months..and I am just at the same place I started..so I more than likely road the roller coaster the last five months..and just by the luck of the draw..checked it at my start point..so my reckoning is that ..this has to stop.. I need to get serious…NOW! I can’t wish it away.. I can’t let someone do it for me.. I have to do it..and I know that.. I’ve always known that.. but now I have to do it..why the change? why the urgent need? Well several reason really..

#1 I fill like shit.. energy level is zero..look like crap..feel unhealthy…look unhealthy..and I want to change..
#2 I want to live.. there I said it.. after all how many 1oo pound 80 year olds do you see? laugh as you might.. but you don’t..as I creep upon 60 that is only 20 years off..now is the time.. I don’t want to cut myself short!
#3 I want to enjoy my retirement years.. travel..see the rest of the world.. but at this rate I am good if I can walk the block.. I see my breathing changing.. my heart racing.. I only hope I haven’t caused irreplaceable damage to myself..
#4 this weight is too much to carry around anymore.. I’m done.. I’m over it..and I am breaking up with it.. got the T-Shirt and moving on.
#5 I don’t want to be an embarrassment to my family. Although I know I am. I know they love me..but how can you not be ashamed of my out of control eating.. I must be lick the drugging or alcoholic in the family.. no one ever speaks about..
#6 Grandbaby…yes I am going to be a grandma..for the first time in December.. YIPPEEE! I have wanted to be one for as long as I can remember.. I want to get on the floor and play..give piggy back rides..make tents from a sheet and card table..I want to go to the park and play with my grandchild..not sit on the sidelines.. I know that this isn’t the only reason to lose weight..but it sure is a good one! IT’s going to be wonderful to have a little one around ..it’s been so long..even though we are living miles apart.. I want to be in my grandchild’s life as much as possible!

Goals…yes we must set goals in our lives..and do our best to obtain them or..we are just fluttering around like a fish out of water.. if we don’t set goals and strive to met them..we end up no where!

After many hours of soul searching and mindful thinking.. I have developed a plan of attack.. I have declared this BEV TIME! I am preparing my fight against food.. and by GOD I am going to beat this..
Plan of attack
#1 Stay focused..journal everyday.. keeping the task at hand on my mind in my thoughts.. not obsessively. But positively.
#2 Make a food plan.. weekly and stick with it.. plan for it.. plan for snacks.. keeping something in my purse/car incase of emergency’s. Decide what is best for you
#3 Exercise.. daily.. anything.. swim, walk, weights, just do it
#4 Develop a core group of like people who want to do what I am doing..share ideals..thoughts and goals and ideals on how to get there. be a support system for each others.. Maybe meet once a week to discus our week.
#5. Realize you are addicted to food.. no it’s not drug..or alcohol.. but never the less it’s a addiction..admitting it and doing something about it.. is a step in the right direction.
#6 OA continue to go to phone meetings and try to attend a meeting in person once a month. The support will be invaluable.
#7 Figure out my trigger foods and eliminate them from my home.. ( not to say that I can’t ever in my life have them again.. but right now.. I can’t handle them.. or I wouldn’t be where I am today.
#8 Seek doctors support and guidance.. have him follow progress
#9 Talk with a dietitian find out the cost and pay it.. maybe the best advice you ever get.
#10 Realize my plans can be altered if something is not working.. be flexible.. but don’t give yourself an excuse to eat.
#11 Check in with yourself Daily.. what worked what didn’t work..it’s a plan not a bible..it can be revised
#12 Set many goals..and reward yourself in small ways for reaching them.(ie. nails done.. movie..etc)
#13 Don’t set yourself up for failure. Make it real
#14 NO FAST FOOD. PERIOD nothing is good about it.. cut it out completely
#15 Eat only when hungry
#16 Drink water..PERIOD
#17 Eat Healthy no processed food..
#18 Constantly be on the look out for new hobbies that get you moving.. new recipes that are healthy..
#19 Make a graph to follow your weight loss
#20 Make a Vision board.. if you can dream it you can be it!
#21 Shut off the TV! Limit your TV intake.. get up and keep moving.. this may be hard at first.. but after awhile it will be come second nature.
#22. Sleep Get plenty of it..7-8 hours.. regardless!
#23 Make yourself priority! This is you time. .and yes, damit ..its all about what is best for you!
#24 Believe it! Believe in your ability to accomplish your goals..
#25 Make you goals obtainable. be realistic about your journey
This my plan of attack.. I may go back and tweak it..in the months to come.. but I will be living this..everyday..even after I reach my goal. I know that fighting my addiction to food..will be a life long battle.. but I am bound to make it a victory!

So come along and join me.. don’t just watch on the sidelines.. be apart of this exciting new found journey..watch out ..cause I just might be sliding into home plate..with a victory on this one!
Cheers!
Beverlynew2

Daily Journal #17

JOURNAL22
Daily food journal #16

Breakfast 2 eggs 1 Carb
hot tea
water
Lunch 2 cups salad 2 carbs
4 oz chicken 0 carbs
salad dressing 4 carbs
water
water
iced tea peach no sugar 1
Dinner
2 cups salad 2 carbs
2 hard loiled eggs 1 carb
salad dressing 4 carbs
brats 2 carbs
hot tea 0 carbs
peach ice tea 1 carb
water
Daily Total 17 carbs
Gazzell
9:00 1 mile
11:30 1 mile
2:30 1 mile
5:00 1 mile Total 4 miles 484 calories burned 45 minutes

NOTES: Today was a good day… lots of energy again today.. I hope this stays!!! I get alot done that’s for sure.. of course maybe it has to also do with canning the cable TV!!! Planning my food intake the night before is really helpful for me.. I don’t have to stick to it.. their’s no food plan police out to get me..if I don’t go by whats on the plan.. but I am finding I am sticking to it…I like it cause sometimes I grab the first thing I see..when I’m hungry.. and it may not be good stuff…this way I have a plan…another VICTORY!

Water water water… I love water. But if I am being honest.. I do miss my diet coke.. I know, I know it isn’t good for me..but I do miss it.. I am drinking water, hot tea and some peach Iced tea , no sugar..mostly hot tea and water.. the peach tea is my treat! I should try and find a low carb protein drink.. I haven’t found a low carb one I like yet.. when I do I will let you know..

I am feeling so much better these days.. my blood pressure has stayed down.. and I am just feeling healthy! I am looking forward to a trip to DC in two weeks to see my son and daughter in law!! A little worried about the eating out thing.. but I am going to carry some approved snacks..and my water! I can always go for meat and salad..just don’t take me for pizza!!! EEEKS! It will be a fun time!

Daily Journal #16

JOURNAL22

Daily Journal #16

Breakfast 2 eggs 1 Carb
Hot tea 0 Carbs
Water 0 Carbs

Lunch
Salad Wrap 9 Carbs
Hot Tea 0 Carbs
Water 0 Carbs
Dinner 0 Carbs
Low Carb Tortilla 6 Carbs
Chicken 0 Carbs
BBQ sauce 4 Carbs
Water 0 Carbs

Total Daily Count= 20 CARBS
Gazzell
9:00 1 mile
11:30 1 mile
2:30 1 mile
5:00 1 mile Total 4 miles 484 calories burned 45 minutes

NOTES: TODAY I got more engery!!! Keep it coming.. I continued to upgrade my bedroom after rearranging it yesterday.. kept me busy along with doing more laundry…does it ever end??? I am finding that more and more..food is not the front of my mind these days… In fact if it wasn’t for taking medicine.. I would probably have skipped lunch.. not that I recommend that.. I just wasn’t hungry.. which makes me wonder.. if I am not hungry.. do I have to eat? I have to eat something cause my medicine kills my stomach if I don’t .. but the salad wrap… isn’t heavy..so I don’t mind it..but I am going to try and find something else maybe carb free to eat when I am not hungry and yet need to eat something to take the medicine..humm…have to give that a thought or two!!!
I like the fact food is getting less and less attention in my life..that will help me alot…of course when you have a food addiction and your hobbies are food related ( canning, baking, cooking..bread making) UGH! These are things I love to do…but I am trying to change somethings around so food isn’t so much a part of my life..small changes…like crocheting…that I like.. and you can’t crochet and eat that is for sure! So another change will be to change up my hobbies.. I also need to find a ACTIVE hobby… like hiking.. I use to love hiking..but with the bad knees that has changed…maybe kayaking.. I use to love that …anything in the water would be great!!!

Still loving the swimming.. been three weeks now.. its enjoyable for me..but I am very aware of my size..I wear a bathingsuite with shorts..and a top..they make me take the top off..even though it is made for the water..something about the fibers messing up the pool filter.. I reall doubt if My top will break the thing..but they have this NAZI pool police/lifeguard…who I think is a dirty old man and just likes to see our boobs! One day I will get the nerve to ask the director at the Senior Center..

Taking out the Cable in our house has really been a game changer…you don’t realize how much you just sit in a day and watch show after show…I have to “FIND” things to keep me busy! Once the weather is nicer it won’t be an issue..for now I have the cleanest house in town! And the minute your clothes drop to the floor…before you know it they are cleaned …dried..and back in your closent!! HEHE!

Lately I have been thinking about what I want to do when I get this weight off…and I have come up with a list of sort…#1 Help others win the battle against food addiction
#2 Travel as much as possible…overseas and state side..
#3 Become a travel tour guide? Mananger?
#4 Write a book about food addiction and bring it to the forfront of Doctor’s and other to help people get help for their addiction
#5 Write a guide to becoming active for those who are over 100 pounds over weight
#6 Educate others about this diease…food addiction…
#7 Go around in my RV to promote exercise and healthy eating to Those over 100 pounds overweight …churches…nursing homes…senior centeres..senior housing..retirement centers..

I am sure I will add to this ever growing list…but it is getting there!!!
Hope you have a great day!
Cheers!
Beverly

Peach tea 0 Carbs

Daily Journal #15

JOURNAL22

Daily Journal #15
Breakfast
Atkins bar 3 carbs
Atkins Protein Drink 2 Carbs

Lunch Carbs
Chef Salad wrap 8 carbs
1 Cup toss salad
2 oz chicken breast
1 oz provolone cheese
Low carb wrap

Dinner Carbs
Low carb wrap pizza 8 Carbs

Daily Total 21 Carbs

Gazzell
9:00 1 mile
11:30 1 mile
2:30 1 mile
5:00 1 mile Total 4 miles 484 calories burned 45 minutes

1 Hour swimming

NOTES: I have decided to only track my carbs.. This works for me..it might not for you. So I will be doing it from now on.. I had a lot more energy today than in the past week.. I actually rearranged my room….all by myself! I spent about five hours on my bedroom!!! I also cleaned house..moped the floors and did three loads of laundry… No NAP! Glad my energy is coming back!!! now if I could just get rid of this dang cough!! Spring hurry up and get here!!!
Tomorrow I am going to walk the dogs again.. do water arobics at the pool…and walk at Sams Club! Busy day!!!
Cheers
Beverly

Broiled Parmesan Garlic crusted Tilapia

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Broiled Tilapia Parmesan
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1/2 cup Parmesan cheese
1/4 cup butter, softened
3 tablespoons mayonnaise
2 tablespoonsfresh lemon juice
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(found these at Trader Joes!)
2 Cubes of basil
2 Cubes of Diced Garlic
1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
2 pounds tilapia fillets
makes 8 servings

Heat broiler on high . Directions..mix all ingredients, except fish, in a bowl..
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mixing well..pat fish filets dry with paper towel..
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let set for a few minutes…prepare a cookie sheet with parchment paper..spray with Pam. Dip fish filets one at a time into mixture..making sure to coat both sides.
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lay on parchemnt paper..continue with remainder of the fish filets. Place under broiler being careful to watch so they do not burn. This cooks very quickly. Cook 2-3 minutes and then flip the fish over to the other side..broil another 2-3 minutes..remove from oven and cover with foil..
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let set for 4-5 minutes..and then serve.. if they are not done enough to our liking.. you can microwave each filet on a plate for 60-90 seconds..
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Mine was done just right. But if you have a thick filet like salmon..you may need longer cooking time..

Daily Journal #11

JOURNAL22

Food Journal

Breakfast
1/2 Cup cottage cheese 90 Calories 4 carbs 14 protein

Lunch
2 Tab Peanut butter 180 Calories 7 carbs 7 Protein
1 cup raw salad 20

Dinner
4 oz grilled chicken 211 calories 0 carbs 32 protein

Total amount 501 Calories 11 Carbs 53 protein
Gazzell
2:00 1 mile
4:30 1 mile
6:30 1 mile
8:00 1 mile Total 4 miles 484 calories burned 45 minutes

Notes: Today was another busy day! I went to the Doctor ( it took me 4 hours!) Had my blood work done and physical so I can start the gastric bypass diet~ Once my blood work comes back my DOC will give me the green light.. I took all of my research to her..she went over it with me.. agreeded that there are many risk in having the surgery..( which surprised me)and thinks if all my blood work comes back ok..she will give me the go to do this! And will follow me in my journey! I am excitied about this!! Right now I seem to have no desire (or hunger) to eat…I don’t know why..but right now.. It isn’t going to hurt me to do without! I could stand to get more carbs in my daily eating.. tomorrow I am going to the market to stock up on this to eat….I am going to make my list tonight and be prepared to get more in my days..

I find that I am little energy these past two days.. which bothers me..but I know it will get better in a few days! My mental determination is so great right now..I want to keep it going forever..but I know from past experience it won’t ..there will be days and maybe even weeks when I want to give up in the near future…but I want to remember this feeling at this moment so I can use this to draw upon in those moments when I need it the most! I want this more than anything ..I need this.. I want to be able to play with my future grandchildren..I want my kids to be proud of me.. not ashamed..I want to be healthy. Oh and I am going to Florida on a family trip with my sister, Mom and son in October..I want to swim with the dolphins..and I want pictures lots of pictures of our vacation together..and I want to look good…more motivations to lose it!
So as I go forward I have much hope and excitment for my continued success..and becoming healthy!
Cheers!
Beverly

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